Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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