I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
sex in a hospital.. check
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When are your genitals available?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
