I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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