and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
