i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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