I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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