don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
