i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
