hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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