i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
