I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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