wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
