Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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