I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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