This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
