I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
