if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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