I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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