Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize