I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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