shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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