what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
