i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
