i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
