when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
