I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Soap is not a condiment
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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