Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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