so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
