I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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