Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
