Having a random hookup so left but love u
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
