The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
