On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
