did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
