is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
