I love black thongs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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