Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
