toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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