Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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