on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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