I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
