im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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