I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
