That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
