forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
