I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
