stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
