But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
