Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
