I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
