break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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