i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
