I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
