Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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