How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish i was in the wii world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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