Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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