I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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