Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
