Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
