Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
