I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my liver is dry heaving
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
