I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize