I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This baby is an asshole
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
