Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
