i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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