Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
