some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
