it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
