first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
