Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had sex on a roof
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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